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police tape
Driver type:Policeman, Highway patrol, the RAC
Vehicle:Anything reflective
I-spy guide:Big sign that reads "Police"

"If I drive REALLY slowly past this police car, they may not even notice me. If they catch me doing 70.001mph they'll arrest me and I'll spend the rest of my life in jail with a man-husband."

high vis jacket
Highly suspicious

Get a grip you feeble fools. The police aren't out to get you. In fact, your speedo more than likely reads about 5mph too fast when it indicates 75mph anyway. Do you really think they can be bothered pulling you over even if you were doing 75mph? There are bigger fish than you to fry.

The whole of the motorway often comes to a grinding 65mph "halt" the instance a traffic cop appears on the scene.

Actually, let me rephrase that. It's not just traffic cops, it's pretty much anything reflective. AA vans, highway patrol vehicles, workmen, all you need is a good old bit of high-vis somewhere in view, or a flashing light. Purchase your very own reflective jacket and place it on your parcel shelf and entertain yourself with the reaction from these retarded drivers. Even a Ronald Macdonald in a high-vis jacket (left) would cause this type of driver to slow down in a fit of panic.

From an observer's point of view, it appears there is an invisible "idiot" wall projecting out of the police car that brainless drivers seem incapable of penetrating. Manly executives in their Xenon-ed 4x4's transform into bed wetting pre-pubescent 10 year olds, afraid of what the big bad policeman will do.

get a grip!