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Full beam ahead!

full beam
Driver type: Simpleton
Mentality: Tunnel vision
Speed: 70mph
Vehicle: A simple car
I-spy guide: An approaching glow in the distance

"Why is that ghastly chap flashing me? He's blinding me! I wonder if it's because I've got my full beam on? No it can't be, he's a good 20ft away on the other carriageway.... tum de dum....."

eyeball aaaargh

For some unknown reason I'm frequently blinded on dual carriageways by morons who seem to believe that because they're on a wider road than normal they can use their full beam regardless of oncoming traffic on the other carriageway. Why they think this is a complete mystery to me.

Perhaps they're people of stunted growth, so low down in their mustard-coloured velour seats that the barrier between the two carriageways completely extinguishes any hint that other traffic exists?

Burn baby burn

Hardly likely. If they took time out from their busy Bridge schedule to have a quick look around from the dead-ahead position they might conclude that the glow coming from the "other side" is in fact the reflection of their full beam screaming from my eyeballs, combined with my vehicle's headlights.

Perhaps the best form of action is to mount a couple of light sensitive xenon spotlights on my roof, a quick flash of those puppies to let the full-beamers (a slang phrase that I just made up) know that their lights are blinding the hell out of grumpy old me on the other side.

They would have to be pop-up lights, more expensive to manufacture but a darn sight better on fuel economy. Always thinking of the environment, that's me.

Someone please sit these idiots 100ft infront and 20ft to the left of a car. Proceed to heat their eyeballs up with a kilowatt of HID power. They then might start to realise they should switch to the low beam when any oncoming traffic appears, regardless of the number of lanes that exist.