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Driver type:Older, leather skin, often beardy
Speed:70mph - 90mph
Vehicle:Rover 75, Omega
I-spy guide:Oscillating wildly out of control

"Take a plane to the south of spain? Rent a large apartment and a car? Hell no, let's take the caravan and waste some quality time!"

Once upon a time, caravans were all the rage. You could hitch up that trusty sardine tin and drive a million miles without a problem. Cars weren't capable of pulling anything cuboid-shaped faster than 60mph. Beards were popular. It was safe. Planes were expensive. But 20 years ago most sane people binned the hollow sardine-tin in favour of sanity. This page examines the rare few that opted for insanity.

Receipe for summer-baked caravan disaster

  • Take 250ft-lb of uber-torque (can be obtained from just about any good common rail diesel store)
  • Connect with a large cube of hollow plastic with the road holding prowess of spam
  • Make sure the cube has no cross bracing or strength, remove if it does
  • Fill cube with little or no knowledge of how much weight should be applied to the vehicle's tow bar¹
  • Fill car with an equal amount of intelligence
  • Make sure you leave the tyre pressure, this way the tyres can heat up under load and gently warm your hollow cube for when you arrive in Spain
  • Drive at 1.5 times the legal limit²
  • Weave uncontrollably through as many lanes of the motorway as possible
  • Once you realise you cannot possibly control these oscillations, crash

And don't even get me started on my opinion of caravans and B-roads. You and I don't have the time and your monitor will run out of ink before I'm finished³.

¹ Do NOT refer to the manufacturer's handbook
²Approx 90mph; 60mph is the safe limit
³I'm only intending to offend the offending caravanners on this page, not all of you...